Store it somewhere safe?

It was stored, for 90 some years, in an old woman’s belly. It’s free now. You want to take it’s freedom away? Shame on you.

Paint it?


Cook it?

Cook it for what purpose. It’s a rock. Like your brain apparently.

Give it to the Military?

The military has enough hardware from aliens, thank you.

Worship it?


Release it?

Release it to where?

Teach it to play chess?

Again, it’s a stone. No arms.

Let it run for elected office?

You’re really not getting it, are you?

Sanitize it?

We did sanitize it. With a Hospital.

Season it?

That’s just wrong.

Rub it until it glows?

We’re discussing that approach.

Ask it to grant three wishes?

We already did that. Nothing.

Hurl it?

We almost did that after the wish fiasco.

Mash it?

To lazy.

Give it public housing?

It doesn’t seem to have a need for space. We may get a new jar, with carpet in the bottom.