Is it an emissary from space?

No, of course not. No spaceship.

Is it toxic?

We don’t know. But it smells a little.

Is it alive?

Not in the biblical sense.

Can it play chess?

Come on, what kind of question is that?

Is it emitting radio waves?

We’re not scientists…

Can it float?

It’s STONE, like your brain.

Does it have a name?

We named it Daryl.

Does it taste like chicken?

It’s a STONE.

Is there something inside?

We weren’t able to detect any ting with our x-ray vision YOU DING DONG. Maybe you could look at it.

Is someone or some thing missing it?

Not to our knowledge.

Will they come for it?

You better hope not.

Will they be mad?

We do not know if they possess emotion, or empathy. Or Ray Guns.

Can they play chess?

No arms, ding dong.